i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
