I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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