I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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