awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize