absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
