White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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