From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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