no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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