I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
