all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Found the puke drawer
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
