Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's shark week go big or go home
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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