Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
