When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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