...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
