Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dick very happy bro
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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