Swine flu. Run for my life!
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
this is an emotional support booty call
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
