I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
