im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
