So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
