Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
