dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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