shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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