Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
