you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
