I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize