After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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