wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
