What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
