i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
