then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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