i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
