So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
