Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
