But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
In America we eat man semen.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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