i don't like sucking hair
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
