she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
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