My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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