i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
