the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
