I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
