those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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