Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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