I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
