Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
