Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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