Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
