Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize