We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
