so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize