My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
