also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
