I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
