You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize