In the future we'll all be gay
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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