I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Randomize
