Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
