:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
