Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
