soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
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