Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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