I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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