Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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