The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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