u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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