he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
