Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
