Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
