I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
