i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
